Chemical Pregnancy

Today I found out that I had a very early miscarriage, which the doctors refer to as a chemical pregnancy.  Basically, it means that the embryo implanted and started to develop and then stopped at some point.  

About a week ago I had started spotting.  I had called my doctor's office and the nurse didn't seem concerned.  She said that spotting can be normal in early pregnancy.  Since she wasn't concerned, I tried not to be concerned as well. Yesterday the spotting finally stopped so I decided to take a pregnancy test.  I figured that the pregnancy test could provide the reassurance that I needed.  Unfortunately, the test was negative.  I couldn't accept the results of the test so I immediately drove to Walgreens and picked up a different test. That test was also negative.  

The second negative test was when I lost all hope.  My husband was still at work so I called him and asked him to come home right away.  Even my optimistic husband didn't think I was still pregnant.  We called the on call doctor and he agreed that two negative tests was not a good sign and he wanted me to have my blood drawn in the morning.  

After a sleepless night, I called into work today and my husband decided to work from home.  We went to the lab and out for breakfast, just like we did the day we found I was pregnant.  This afternoon one of the nurses called to confirm that I had had a chemical pregnancy.   She said my HCG level had gone down to 10, which means that my pregnancy is not viable.  

My husband and I are devastated.  Last night I couldn't eat and I couldn't sleep and I couldn't believe that after all of our ups and downs, this IVF cycle is over.  Neither of us are sure where to go from here.  We kept our appointment next Monday. I'm sure that will be a hard day because we were expecting to be able to see our baby's heartbeat. Instead, we will be going over what went wrong and what's next for us. 

I know that I'm not ready to give up on being a parent, but I'm not sure how it will happen anymore.  I'm guessing we will try IVF at least one more time, but we will have to see what the doctor says. I also may try to cut down my work hours.  Although I've taken a lot of time off of work for IVF, I still feel so worn out. Between IVF and the job transition, I have been under constant stress. I think it's time to step back and figure out how I can heal from all of that.    

Thanks for all of the support you have all shown me throughout this IVF cycle.  I had so hoped that my positive pregnancy test was the end of my infertility journey.  If you are interested, I will continue to update on this blog.  I will continue to need your support as I grieve and decide how I will move forward.