Keep Breathing

The good news is that I have a start date for my stimulating injections.  Yesterday I called the IVF nurse to let her know that I had gotten my period. I don't think I had ever been more excited to see a period.  I called at 9 and she asked if I could come in at 10.  Apparently they were just as eager as I was to have another ultrasound and come up with a plan.  

As I expected, everything looked just fine on the ultrasound.  Since my lining wasn't very thin yet, they decided they wanted me to wait until Saturday, December 27, to start stims.  My first monitoring appointment will be on Monday, the 29th.  My best guess is that my egg retrieval will happen on January 6 or 7.

I left that appointment feeling pretty good because I like to have a plan, but it didn't take long for the typical feeling of being overwhelmed to take over.  I had to go back to work so I started thinking about how I'm going to tell people at work about my upcoming time off.  I really wish I could keep this information private, but it's not really possible when you're taking three days off of work mid-week.  And then I started thinking about how much of my privacy this process has taken away from me.  

Those are the kind of thoughts I have all the time.  Something good will happen in the IVF process, but it will bring up all kinds of other emotions.  I don't always know how to deal with these thoughts and emotions effectively.  I think I'm doing everything I can by going to counseling and trying acupuncture.  But no matter what I do, it's just so overwhelming.  

Today was another overwhelming day.  It was my last day of work for awhile so I had a ton of work to do, I squeezed in an acupuncture session during my lunch hour, my husband had some genetic testing done at the fertility center, we had to figure out where we could meet up in GR before his rugby practice so he could give me an injection, and and I was trying to figure out what I still needed to do in preparation for Christmas.  As I was driving home from work, I had a good cry.  That happens to me often these days. It's like all of the stresses pile up on me during the day and they can finally be released when I'm in the privacy of my car. During my cry-fest in the car, I heard the Ingrid Michaelson song, "Keep Breathing." If you don't know the song, it just keeps repeating over and over variations of, "all I can do is keep breathing."  

For the next several days, I don't need to work.  I just have to muster up some Christmas spirit, take some more injections, and go to lots of appointments.  I can do that.  I will just keep breathing.