Are you in there, little fetuses?

I'm not going to sugarcoat the fact that today was a hard day.  I kind of had a sense of foreboding when I went in for my embryo transfer this morning. I had never gotten over the fact that we had lost so many of my eggs.  As soon I got into the exam room, we were told we had a big decision to make. 

This doctor, who we had never met before, told us that only three of our embryos had made it. Out of those three, only two of them were "perfect" and the third was unlikely to survive the freezing process. His recommendation was to transfer all three to give ourselves the best chance. Without much thought, we decided to heed his advice. Looking back, I wish we had thought about it a little more, but I've never been one to be good at making decisions on the spot.  I think I was mostly focused on making it through the procedure without bursting into tears.

The procedure went fairly smoothly with minimal discomfort. The worst part was lying in the recovery room after the procedure. My back was killing me and I just could not stop crying. I had had a nearly perfect IVF cycle and had never thought that I wouldn't have the option to freeze embryos. I just felt so defeated and so heartbroken. My poor husband just sat there helplessly. He couldn't even hug me because I wasn't allowed to move.

When I got home I had lots of encouraging texts from friends and family and started to feel better. We are not out yet. We have 2 perfect embryos and I'm hoping and praying that they keep growing. I'm sure I'll continue to have tough days, but I'm hoping I can mostly remain optimistic.

In the words of Phoebe from Friends, "Are you in there, little fetus? In nine months will you come greet us?" I'm just hoping that I don't get triplets like Phoebe did!