Waiting

Today was a sad day.  I boxed up most of my belongings at my office so they can be moved  to a different office.  It wasn't what I wanted so I'm having a hard time being optimistic about being anything, including the possibility of being pregnant.  For those of you still reading these posts, please pray for me or think good thoughts or whatever is that you do when someone you know is going through a rough time.  I so badly wanted to be optimistic during this time while I'm waiting, but life has kind of defeated me lately.  I know that my feelings won't change the outcome of my IVF cycle, but it would be nice to feel more hopeful.  

The main purpose of this post is to let you know that I probably won't be posting the outcome of this cycle on the blog.  Or if I do, it will be awhile.  I'm just not sure how or when I'll want to share the news when I find out.  Obviously, you will find out one way or another.:)  
Regardless of the outcome of this cycle, thanks so much for following along with me on this journey.  I got so many encouraging texts, cards, emails, etc.  It's made me feel so much less alone.

Are you in there, little fetuses?

I'm not going to sugarcoat the fact that today was a hard day.  I kind of had a sense of foreboding when I went in for my embryo transfer this morning. I had never gotten over the fact that we had lost so many of my eggs.  As soon I got into the exam room, we were told we had a big decision to make. 

This doctor, who we had never met before, told us that only three of our embryos had made it. Out of those three, only two of them were "perfect" and the third was unlikely to survive the freezing process. His recommendation was to transfer all three to give ourselves the best chance. Without much thought, we decided to heed his advice. Looking back, I wish we had thought about it a little more, but I've never been one to be good at making decisions on the spot.  I think I was mostly focused on making it through the procedure without bursting into tears.

The procedure went fairly smoothly with minimal discomfort. The worst part was lying in the recovery room after the procedure. My back was killing me and I just could not stop crying. I had had a nearly perfect IVF cycle and had never thought that I wouldn't have the option to freeze embryos. I just felt so defeated and so heartbroken. My poor husband just sat there helplessly. He couldn't even hug me because I wasn't allowed to move.

When I got home I had lots of encouraging texts from friends and family and started to feel better. We are not out yet. We have 2 perfect embryos and I'm hoping and praying that they keep growing. I'm sure I'll continue to have tough days, but I'm hoping I can mostly remain optimistic.

In the words of Phoebe from Friends, "Are you in there, little fetus? In nine months will you come greet us?" I'm just hoping that I don't get triplets like Phoebe did!

Update

Just after I posted my last update, the nurse called me about our fertilization results.  Of the 26 eggs retrieved, only 13 were mature.  Of those 13, 9 made it through the fertilization process.  That should be enough eggs for us, but it's a little disappointing.  Let's just hope those 9 continue to thrive.  I don't ever want to go through an egg retrieval again!

Our transfer is scheduled for 8:30 am tomorrow.  I can't wait to have those little embryos safely inside of me.  I have to keep reminding myself that I just need one to make it and I will be thrilled.    

26 Eggs

As you know, yesterday was egg retrieval day.  Luckily, they had me take a Valium the night before and the morning of the retrieval.  So I had a good night of sleep and was fairly relaxed by the time I came in for the procedure.  

The only experience I had had with anesthesia prior to this experience was when I had my wisdom teeth out about 10 years ago so I wasn't sure what to expect.  It was so surreal to put on a hospital cap and gown, have an IV put in, be wheeled out of the procedure room on a hospital bed, and then be wheeled out in a wheelchair to my car when it was all done.  

I was awake during the procedure, but my recollection of it all is very blurry.  I was glad my husband was in the room with me because he was able to tell me all the things the doctor said.  I remember a few moments of pain and pressure, but overall it went smoothly.  

After the procedure was over, the doctor came into the recovery room to talk to us.  I'm especially glad my husband was there during this part because we were required to make a few decisions.  I was shocked when the doctor told us that he had managed to retrieve 26 eggs!  It seemed like he wanted to only fertilize about 16 of them, but I figured that if we had the eggs that we should fertilize them all.  He also asked us how many kids we wanted and said that with those numbers he thought we could get away with only transferring a single embryo.  We've decided that we would still like to do two embryos.  I am slightly scared of the possibility of twins, but at the same time I'd be thrilled if I never have to go through this again!  It still makes me laugh to think of discussing all of these serious life decisions while under the influence of anesthesia and strong painkillers, with a doctor I had never met until that day. 

After the procedure, I spent the rest of the day on the couch.  I even fell asleep for a couple hours.  If you know me very well, you probably know that I don't take naps.  I wasn't in excruciating pain the rest of the day, but I wasn't feeling great either.  My whole abdomen just felt sore and swollen so moving wasn't very pleasant.  I just kept taking Tylenol and using my heating pad and the pain was pretty tolerable.  

Today I woke up feeling quite good actually so I'm hoping that I can actually get some things done around the house and run some errands. I just have to be careful not to overdo it.  Tomorrow is embryo transfer and the beginning of two days of bed rest so I'd rather not spend much time on the couch today.  

Today I will also get a fertilization report and the time of my procedure tomorrow.  The doctor said to expect about 80% to fertilize and about 80% to be viable. I can't wait to see what our actual numbers look like!  

A Very IVF Birthday

For those of you who don't know, yesterday was my birthday. I was kind of dreading yesterday because I knew that IVF was going to make the milestone considerably less fun, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.  

My co-worker brought me some coffee cake and coffee in the morning.  And after work I was feeling good enough that my husband and I went out for a nice dinner.  But I think the real reason I was feeling good was that I was told that I would go in for my egg retrieval at 10:15 on Thursday.  It felt so good to have it scheduled and to know that I would finally get these eggs out of me. I also was told that I'm not at risk for OHSS.  I won't go into too much detail, but basically some women can get really sick when going through IVF treatment.  It's such a relief to find out that I won't be one of those women.  

My one responsibility for the evening was to take my trigger shot right at 10:45 pm.  The trigger alerts your body to ovulate. Obviously, this is very important because an early or late ovulation can cause major problems for egg retrieval.  Luckily, my husband injected the trigger right at 10:45 so we should be all set for retrieval.  

Tonight I actually get a night off from injections.  This will be my only night off until the end of my first trimester (if I get pregnant) or until I find out I'm definitely not pregnant.  The other nice thing about today is that the trigger shot  tells my ovaries to stop producing eggs so I'm experiencing some relief from all the discomfort I was experiencing.  

I'm starting to get really nervous for my retrieval tomorrow.  Obviously, I'm so happy that this is finally happening, but I want to feel minimal discomfort during the procedure and I want them to get lots of eggs and I want to know that the majority of those eggs have fertilized. I know I've made it this far and I can continue to do this, but there is still stress to come.  I just have to keep telling myself that I've given this cycle my all and the rest is out of my control.  

Thank you all so much for following along.  I will try to update tomorrow if I feel up to it.  If not, you'll hear from me on Friday. 

Jumping for joy is not allowed

I'm happy to report that egg retrieval is officially scheduled for Thursday morning.  I had my last monitoring appointment this morning and my doctor seemed very impressed with my ovaries.:)  She couldn't believe how well I had responded to my injections.  She counted 20+ follicles in there.  Based on those numbers, I definitely have a good reason to be feeling uncomfortable.  She told me to take it easy and not do any jumping or bouncing.  I don't think she needs to worry about that; I've been hobbling around like an old lady for the last couple of days.  

I'm hoping to continue to work through Wednesday, but we'll see how I feel tomorrow.  I did just fine at work today, but I'm currently  lying on my couch in my pajamas and don't intend to move from this location for the rest of the night.  The only thing on my agenda is to get the last of my injections tonight.  It's hard to believe that my doctor still wants my ovaries to get bigger, but I will do whatever I can to ensure I produce good eggs. 

I will probably provide a short update tomorrow because I will have more information about my scheduled procedures.  

Lame Wedding Guest

I'm writing this post from my iPad in my hotel room near Traverse City.  We're going to a wedding here tonight. Unfortunately, I think I might be a rather lame wedding guest. I'm getting to the point that any time I move I feel pressure on my stomach so there will be no dancing and minimal alcohol consumption.  

So onto the purpose of this post. My doctor appointment, as usual, went very well. My 16 follicles are still growing steadily and some are ready for retrieval. They want me to keep injecting until more of my follicles catch up. The nurse thought I would be ready for egg retrieval by next Thursday.  The only concern the nurse had was that my lining is a little thin because I've been spotting on and off for a few days. She said if the doctor is concerned she will get me a prescription that will help to thicken the lining. It didn't sound like something that would change my retrieval date so I'm happy about that. 

I have a request for anyone that happens to be still reading. I will be on bed rest for a few days for retrieval/transfer. If you have any good book and/or movie suggestions, please let me know. Have a great weekend, everyone! Hopefully you're all less lame than me.:)

Infertility Foibles

I'm happy to say that I'm doing a lot better than the last time I posted.  I'm sure it helped a lot that I had another great appointment today.  They counted 16 large follicles, which means I should produce lots of eggs.  I think egg retrieval might happen next Wednesday or Thursday.  

I'm finally starting to feel uncomfortable. I keep having shooting, side-ache type pains and I have bruises all over my stomach.  And today I added one more injection to my daily regimen.  I will be doing three injections daily now, one in the morning and two at night.  It's really not as bad as I thought it would be, but I will be glad when I'm not being stabbed with a needle on a daily basis.  

There have been amusing moments in the middle of all this.  I  hope that someday they will give me a good laugh when I'm holding my baby in my arms.  

Here are a few:

-Sitting in the waiting room of the fertility center when a breaking news announcement flashes on the screen.  It's just alerting me to the fact that William and Kate are expecting another baby.  Thanks, fertility center TV, for reminding me that the royal family is more fertile than me.

-Going to the DMV in the pouring rain to get my license renewed. I pleaded with the lady helping me  to allow me to use my old license picture, but she was having none of it.  Instead I get the pleasure of my rain-drenched, bad hair day, mid-IVF cycle license picture for 4 years.  

-My sister-in-law's reminder that trying to find the right guy was the worst and I somehow got through that.  At least this time trying to get what I want just involves getting stabbed with needles.  

My next appointment is scheduled for Saturday so I will probably have another update for you all then.  Thanks for reading my rambling updates.:)  

IVF Blues

I need to warn you all that I will probably be posting a lot in the next two weeks or so.  I want to have this whole experience documented so I will probably be posting after each appointment that I have.  Feel free to ignore me if the posting gets to be excessive.:)  

This morning I went in for my first monitoring appointment.  The nurse drew my blood to check my hormone levels and then the doctor did an ultrasound and looked at and measured my follicles.  I had 13 measurable follicles and the doctor said that was good for this stage of my cycle.  She must have seen what she wanted to see because she didn't ask me to adjust my dosage at all.  I'm hoping they'll have a lot more information for me at my next appointment on Thursday.  

I'm starting to feel mentally and physically exhausted.  I always feel really good after I leave an appointment because I have gotten really good news at each appointment, but there always comes a point during the day when the reality of my situation hits me.  I start to think about all of the discomfort I have to face and the fact that my body could be doing everything right, but I could still inexplicably not get pregnant...

Injections & Ice Cream

I'm happy to report that I had my first two injections last night and I made it through the process unscathed.  I iced my belly for quite awhile before the injections and I think that helped.  The second injection stung quite a bit going in, but I didn't feel any pain later.  I had also heard there was a risk of bruising, but I have nothing yet.  

As a reward for making it through my first round, my husband and I went out for ice cream.  I think I might try to give myself a little reward each night after injections.  It can't always be ice cream, since I'm already at risk for getting bloated during this process.:)  Maybe I can "pay" myself $1 each time and buy myself something when this is all done.  

Kick Off

My IVF cycle officially kicks off this weekend!  I had my ultrasound this afternoon and the nurse said everything looked good and that I was ready to go.  She counted 16-18+ antral follicles, which means I should expect to produce about that many eggs.  According to everything I've read, it means that I have very good fertility potential.  

The plan is to start my injections on Saturday night.  I will be starting with two different injections in the evening, both of which need to be injected into my stomach.  I admitted to the nurse that I was quite nervous about the injections and she was so encouraging.  She said that I'll be fine and that she always gets excited for patients at this stage.  She said that this is the stage when something is actually happening and every few days you get to have a progress report.  I'm sure it's easy for her to say since she's not the one injecting herself with hormones, but it did make me feel better. Below are all of my meds and a curious cat, who sneaked into the picture.:) 

I  have my first monitoring appointment scheduled for Monday at 8 am.  I will have another ultrasound and a blood draw.  The nurse said I can expect to have a monitoring appointment like that every other day or so.  She also told me that my egg retrieval will likely be somewhere between 9/17 and 9/23.  I'm really hoping it happens sooner rather than later. I want to be done with injections as soon as possible.  

I'm sure you'll be hearing from me a lot more often in the next couple weeks.  I'm so glad that every stage of this process has been good news so far. Let's hope I only get good news for the rest of the cycle.